Breastfeeding: Taking It Personally

Five years ago when I got pregnant I started planning. I planned the theme of the nursery, the location of the birth, and I read lots of pregnancy magazines. One thing I was going to have to consider was whether or not I would breastfeed. I was only 19 and had not yet started a career as a birth professional or natural health advocate. I knew about as much about breastfeeding as the average 19-year-old. One of my aunts encouraged me to breastfeed, as did my best friend, Lucy. But I was still undecided. I knew of the commonly known benefits but didn't consider them important enough to be the decision maker. After all, what if I had saggy breasts afterward? What if it hurt? What if I can't buy those cute plastic bottles with Whinnie the Pooh on them? (I shudder at the thought of plastic bottles now.) And after all, I wasn't breastfed and I turned out alright.

Breastfeeding is said to increase IQ, but I considered myself pretty intelligent with good genes. It also can prevent allergies, but I have lived with seasonal allergies all of my life and it wasn't unbearable. Breastfeeding was not a large part of the culture I had been exposed to. Most of the babies I had interacted with were bottle fed and that seemed normal. Breastfeeding was exotic and risque to me.

I eventually had a 2nd trimester miscarriage, so as it turns out I never had to make the decision. I would like to tell myself that since I had already planned to hire a Doula she would have eventually educated me enough to decide to breastfeed and birth naturally, but we'll never know. When I was 21 I went to the presentation of Lucy's senior project. It was on breastfeeding. After listening to her half hour presentation I was convinced that I would breastfeed in the future. It suddenly made total sense and seemed the only logical choice. Since then I have become a Doula myself and have immersed myself in the Natural Birth/Natural Parenting community. I am grateful to be much better equipped for pregnancy and parenting than I was when I was 19 and I cringe to think of all the choices I made and would have made back then.

But now I want to talk to you about breastfeeding from the perspective of a daughter who was not breastfed. This is to any parent or future parent who wants to do what is best for their child and has this decision to make. I am angry that my mother did not breastfeed me.

Throughout my life I have been afflicted with a wide array of minor, but inconvenient health problems. There is nothing wrong with me that is crippling or life threatening. The only exception to that might be my depression. However, these little irritations and ailments sometimes pile up so much that I become extremely frustrated. There is no magic pill I can take to fix them all, and to fix just one sometimes requires constant effort. Here is a summary of the things that may have been prevented with breastfeeding:

TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder) - Basically, my jaw pops and gets sore. I can't chew gum or anything chewy. Sometimes even a slice of pizza will cause my jaw to stiffen and ache. Sometimes I even get a horrible jaw/head ache that requires prescription-strength pain killers. There's really no cure for it, but chiropractors can adjust it and dentists will occasionally prescribe a bite-guard. When a baby suckles from a bottle or breast, this effects the development of their jaw. A breastfed baby's jaw develops properly while a bottle-fed baby's jaw might not.

Allergies - For a long time my allergies were so bad that my eyes would become red and itch painfully and I would sneeze a dozen times in a matter of minutes. I eventually had to take allergy medications every morning, which made me drowsy during the first couple hours of school. Sometimes I would even doze off during first period. Breastfeeding greatly reduces your child's chance of having seasonal and other allergies.

Multiple Sclerosis - Lack of breastfeeding is associated with MS later in life. Are you kidding me?!?! My father died of MS. There is a genetic trend of MS on that side of my family. I don't have it, but I'm not thrilled that my risk has been increased.

Mental Health - Breastfed babies seem to have better mental health when they are older. Less anxiety and depression. My depression has been a huge hurdle in my life. I have failed classes and lost jobs because of it. It has put great strains on relationships. I have had to take antidepressants for years just to function. Thankfully, I am managing it pretty well these days. I have God to thank for this.

Bonding - It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am not particularly "close" to my mother. I don't feel much of an emotional bond with her, and I don't see her as my primary "nurturer." I sometimes wonder if this would have been different if I was breastfed.


For a long time I saw my mother's decision not to breastfeed as selfish and uncaring. I didn't take to the breast right away, but I knew that breastfeeding takes lots of time and practice and can be frustrating. Why did my mother not cope with a little of that frustration for my benefit? Now I realize that she probably knew about as much about breastfeeding as the average 21-year-old (her age when I was born). If I wasn't in the career that I am in now, I may have made the same decision. She isn't to blame and I have forgiven her.

But I implore all of you who still have that decision ahead of you to PLEASE breastfeed. On behalf of babies everywhere, it IS what is best! Breastmilk is made of real food. Formula is not. Why would we give humans synthetic food? It doesn't make sense. Formula fed babies are far more likely to spit up. Why does it make sense to feed a baby something that makes them throw up? It doesn't! Their tiny little bellies can't handle formula. It makes them spit up and gassy, which makes them fussy. If you breastfeed, I promise that after the initial frustration passes you will find it easier than bottles, and much more rewarding. Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back.

To that small percentage or parents who truly cannot breastfeed: Don't take this personally. I praise God that we have formula that will sustain our babies. In the old days babies died from lack of nourishment if their mother couldn't breastfeed and weren't rich enough to afford a nurse-maid. I have my frustrations, but I'm alive and well and thanks to other natural health methods have found some relief from my symptoms.